It's fall.
What a wonderful sensation, typing those words. Fall means I'm a year older, it means a fresh start, it means fun. It means work.
It's been a few weeks since we dropped Savanna off at Cornerstone(I don't know exactly how many...) It's strange how fast our family has adjusted. It's not a sharp pain like I thought it would be, just a dull, aching, 'something's not quite right' sort of feeling.
But that isn't what I wanted to write about:)
I wanted to write about idolatry. Or just sin in general. I feel sort of like that is a lot of what I wrote about last year... but I have learned so much since then that those posts seem so silly!
First, I have learned that sin is something that can't stay ignored for long, and if it does, you have some serious hiding skills. I've learned that I sin every day, just by
not being overwhelmed by the grace I have been given to just keep on breathing. Sin is seeing God reveal his nature, and rejecting him. I have rejected God by choosing my own way. Why can I not just choose God? Why is it so hard? BUT- why am I relying on myself to choose him? Truth=
I CANNOT. It is impossible for me to choose to say no to the flesh. (As Kevan from CYIA says: "DOWN SELF") I might be able to turn away for a little while, but I cannot resist the temptation of my own path. God has strength beyond measure. He tells me over and over that it is mine to have, I only need ask. I ask, he gives, I
forget.
Let that sink in. I
FORGET the God of the universe, who's presence is inside me. How devastating. To be clear, I know exactly who God is, but I get so wrapped up in my world of small, insignificant ups and downs that I grow spiritually lukewarm. So much for burning with passion for Christ.
I've always wanted to know what makes certain people-missionaries and martyrs- so awe-inspiring to me. Something about how they talk, how they act makes me want to know their secret to being so content. But there is no secret, just the fact that they TRUST God. They acknowledge their need, and act on it, by throwing themselves onto his mercy. I want that. I want to hunger, burn, thirst for God's presence in my life! But I rely on myself. I try to make myself want God more. How can I change this pattern?
I can't.
But God can. His Holy Spirit, who lives in me, can!
I don't want this realization to fly over my head each morning. I want it to sink deep into my soul, and
change me. The best part is that even though I fail he still loves me, He knows that I am sinful, he knows that I can't do it. Still He loves me. So in my biggest 'I-can't' moments- that is when His power shines the brightest. So I can embrace my failure. It shows God's strength, God's mercy, that He still loves me even though I'm me! Praise the Father, how glorious!
In another post I'll talk about the second thing, I've rambled slightly longer than I thought I would! Thanks for reading the workings of my brain- which are probably hard to understand(all the commas!:)
~Avery
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| Rejoice! |
